100 Colonel Miles Quaritch Facts

1. Colonel Quaritch won American Idol using sign language.
2. Colonel Quaritch's tears can cure any disease. Too bad Colonel Quaritch doesn't cry.
3. Colonel Quaritch got into a knife fight once. The knife lost.
4. Colonel Quaritch finished The Never Ending Story.
5. Colonel Quaritch can fire 12 rounds in a six gun.
6. Colonel Quaritch once ordered a Big Mac from Burger King and got it.
7. Colonel Quaritch once ordered a Whopper from McDonald's and got it.
8. Colonel Quaritch is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
9. When Colonel Quaritch has heartburn he doesn't use Prilosec he uses Napalm.
10. When Colonel Quaritch goes to the airport, TSA agents grope themselves.
11. Colonel Quaritch can watch Blu-Rays on a Betamax player.
12. There's only one thing that Colonel Quaritch can't do, which is lose.
13. Guns don't kill people. Colonel Quaritch kills people.
14. Colonel Quaritch can win a staring contest while blinking.
15. Colonel Quaritch doesn't give a singleyou know what about this fact.
16. The word phobia is Latin for Colonel Quaritch.
17. The perfect bedtime story goes like this. Once upon a time, Colonel Quaritch. The End.
18. Colonel Quaritch once got into a fight with Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris was never heard from again.
19. Captain America isn't a super soldier. Colonel Quaritch is.
20. Colonel Quaritch wasn't a boy scout. He was a man scout.
21. Colonel Quaritch can get blackjack with one card.
22. Colonel Quaritch won the World Series of Poker with Pokemon cards.
23. Colonel Quaritch can read Lady Gaga's Poker Face.
24. Ladies open doors for Colonel Quaritch.
25. Colonel Quaritch can handle the truth.
26. Colonel Quaritch once let a guy live. Naw Just kidding.
27. They say it was curiosity that killed the cat. In reality it was Colonel Quaritch.
28. Colonel Quaritch will never have a heart attack. (His Heart knows better)
29. Colonel Quaritch can laugh with a straight face.
30. The Navy Seals didn't kill Osama. Colonel Quaritch did,
31. Colonel Quaritch knows that it wasn't Gene Snitsky's fault.
32. When the fire department catches fire, they call Colonel Quaritch.
33. How much Whiteout does Colonel Quaritch use? None because Colonel Quaritch never makes mistakes.
34. Colonel Quaritch once won Iron Chef America by simply cooking instant Ramen noodles.
35. Colonel Quaritch scared The Brave Little Toaster.
36. Crow, Tom Servo, and Mike riffed on Avatar once. They were never heard from again.
37. Colonel Quaritch once killed a gun.
38. Whenever Colonel Quaritch plays Chutes and Ladders, he treats the chutes as ladders because he's not some pansy who can't climb up a plastic slide.
39. Colonel Quaritch is the only one who can try this at home.
40. Colonel Quaritch played Russian Roulette with a loaded gun and won.
41. Getting murdered by Colonel Quaritch counts as a natural cause of death.
42. The book Worst Case Scenario discusses ways to run from many different deadly animals. The page entitled Running From Colonel Quaritch simply says good luck.
43. Colonel Quaritch defied MC Hammer and touched it.
44. Colonel Quaritch had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow, and anywhere that Colonel Quaritch went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.
45. Colonel Quaritch is the only person who can give 110%.
46. Colonel Quaritch once talked an Amish housewife to buy a toaster.
47. Colonel Quaritch scared the black out of Michael Jackson.
48. Colonel Quaritch beat a wall at tennis.
49. There are only 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, because Colonel Quaritch is going to take his AMP Suit.
50. 5 out of 5 doctors recommend not annoying Colonel Quaritch.
51. Colonel Quaritch Counted to infinity twice.
52. Colonel Quaritch once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
53. Colonel Quaritch can speak Braille.
54. Colonel Quaritch can speak sign language.
55. Colonel Quaritch once won a game of connect four with only 3 moves.
56. Colonel Quaritch can delete the Recycle Bin.
57. On a high school math test, Colonel Quaritch put down violence for every answer. He got an A+ because Colonel Quaritch solves all of his problems with violence.
58. Colonel Quaritch once pumped his own gas in New Jersey.
59. Colonel Quaritch can slam a revolving door.
60. Colonel Quaritch can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
61. Death once had a near Colonel Quaritch experience.
62. Colonel Quaritch's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Colonel Quaritch doesn't take crap from anyone.
63. Colonel Quaritch once caught Missingno in Pokemon Red. Nothing happened to his game.
64. Colonel Quaritch can strangle you with a cordless phone.
65. Colonel Quaritch can play the violin with a piano.
66. Colonel Quaritch eats the core of the apple first.
67. Colonel Quaritch once punched a man in the soul.
68. Colonel Quaritch can drown a fish.
69. Colonel Quaritch can make a paraplegic run for his life.
70. When Colonel Quaritch gives you a thumbs down, he is actually pointing at where you are going to go.
71. Colonel Quaritch can kill two stones with one bird.
72. Colonel Quaritch can see John Cena.
73. Colonel Quaritch can swim through land.
74. Colonel Quaritch can play CDs on his iPod.
75. Colonel Quaritch can sneeze with his eyes open.
76. Colonel Quaritch can unscramble an egg.
77. Colonel Quaritch can gargle peanut butter.
78. Colonel Quaritch can hear silence.
79. 79 Na'Vi were killed by the time it took you to read this fact.
80. Colonel Quaritch can win at Solitaire with only 18 cards.
81. Colonel Quaritch can clap with only one hand.
82. Colonel Quaritch is the only living person who is known to have deflected Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
83. Colonel Quaritch doesn't want any fries with that.
84. Colonel Quaritch is the reason you didn't get a PS3 this year.
85. Colonel Quaritch wrote that episode of Freakazoid, the one about Huggbees. And he did it while making love to Wonder Woman.
86. Colonel Quaritch has a buddy of his whose an expert on Colonel Quaritch facts.
87. If you have $5 and Colonel Quaritch has $5, Colonel Quaritch has more money than you.
88. If Colonel Quaritch had a weakness, his name would be Superman.
89. Colonel Quaritch can drive on the right side of the road in England and not get into an accident.
90. Colonel Quaritch didn't die in Avatar, He just fell asleep from boredom.
91. The Government tried to steal once, Colonel Quaritch made it sit in time out.
92. Colonel Quaritch doesn't act like a patriot. A patriot acts like Colonel Quaritch.
93. Colonel Quaritch got an email telling him that he won $475 million in the Nigerian lottery, responded and get his check in 2 days.
94. Colonel Quaritch's idea of gun control is both hands on the weapon.
95. Colonel Quaritch knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
96. Colonel Quaritch once went on a wild goose chase and caught the goose.
97. Colonel Quaritch has bigger balls of steel than Duke Nukem.
98. Even though all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't do it, Colonel Quaritch put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
99. Colonel Quaritch can play PS3 games on his PS1.
100. Colonel Quaritch can tell you how to get to Sesame Street.