The Top 5 Worst For Dummies Books

  Today I was in Barnes & Noble looking around, when I happened to come across some of those For Dummies books. While I was looking at them, It came to me that some of the titles and topics were pretty dumb. I had do walk into the mall to prevent myself from laughing like a maniac at them because some of the titles were hilarious.

5. Beekeeping For Dummies By Howland Blackiston. Now here is a book that sounds remotely dangerous to me. Why in the hell would anybody want to learn beekeeping? I know I don't because I don't like bees. But if the person who is reading this book, doesn't follow the safety precautions, such as not buying the beekeeper suit, and ends up getting stung by a swarm of angry bees and on top of that dies from them not knowing that they are allergic to bee stings. It would take a dummy to do just that. The only use for this book is as a gag gift to a person who has a fear of bees.

4.The Royal Wedding For Dummies. By Julian Knight. All I can say about this is WTF? If there has to be the ultimate waste of money, it has to be this book. What else is there to know about this wedding? Let me summarize this for you, It's about the Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, it took place in England, and It's the royal wedding. There now you don't have to waste your hard earned cash on this. I checked Amazon.com and this actually exists. So this ain't no photoshop.

3. Medical Terminology For Dummies. By Beverly Henderson CMT and Jennifer Dorsey. Now wait a minute. So If I read this book, that means I can be a doctor? I see this book is only useful to a med school student, but I see it as a useful resource for quacks. Lets see here Johnny, I think you have a cold here but I am not sure. Let me check this For Dummies book here to double check to see if I'm right.

2. Eating Disorders For Dummies.  By Susan Schulherr, LCSW. Ok What is the point to this one? I am going to use this example for comedy so bear with me on my poor taste. If I wanted an eating disorder there are 2 options, vomit after eating, or not eating anything at all. See now you don't have to buy the book.

1. Building Your Own Home For Dummies. By Kevin Daum, Janice Brewster, and Peter Economy. Ok this book is a recipe for disaster. This book should have a disclaimer, ask a professional for help. If someone misread a step, then their whole house could collapse on them and kill them and then the publishers, and authors would get the pants sued out off of them in court.

Why SyFy is the Worst Channel on TV

  Ok today I am going to rant about SyFy. To me this channel used to be great. Now it's just overflowing with garbage. Back when SyFy used to be called Sci-Fi Channel, there were great shows, such as Mystery Science Theater 3000, and the Stargate series which I never even watched. Here's why SyFy is the worst channel on TV.
   1. Too Many Ghost Shows. I tend to notice that Syfy has been showing way to many, Ghost Hunters programming. I used to watch Ghost Hunters, but after a while the show started to get stupid when a spin off program called Ghost Hunters International began airing which I never watch. Don't even get me started on Haunted Collector. Now don't get me wrong here, I do think that haunted items are interesting, but who in their right mind would watch a show about haunted items, every week. It would be the same thing over and over again. It would get real old really fast.
   2. Too Many Reruns of Older TV Shows. I tend to notice this trend a lot especially on weekday mornings. Sometimes SyFy will run marathons of old TV shows such as V, Early Edition, or Star Trek TNG. I don't mind watching Star Trek TNG. Why don't they show other programming that isn't from the 80s and early 90s? Why run marathons of old TV Shows? Well, here's my theory, I think that SyFy airs these older TV shows to fill in the airspace when they could be showing one of their horrendous Original Movies.
   3. Bad Original Movies. I suggest that you read my older post about why these movies are bad.http://jcmotorsofficial.blogspot.com/2011/05/syfy-channel-original-movies-are.html because I don't feel like typing everything over again. But I'll tell you that They are all bad.
   4. Smackdown. If there has to be the most unrelated show to air on this channel, it would have to be WWE Smackdown. I like WWE but why does Smackdown have do go on a channel that has a science fiction theme? What does professional wrestling have to do with SyFy? Absolutely nothing. WWE and SyFy don't mix. Why? Well for one reason it is because Science fiction and professional wrestling are two different things and are totally unrelated. I know that WWE gave the rights to NBC Universal to air WWE Programming, but why SyFy. Couldn't they air Smackdown on USA on Friday Nights?
   Well there you have it this is why SyFy sucks now.

Adeventures In Thrifting at Goodwill

  Today, My mom went to a custom framing place to see the progress on the frame for an old picture was coming along. I had no interest in the framing place so, thankfully there was a Goodwill store right next to the framing place. I only had a few minutes to look around so I can't tell you what some of the prices were.
  The moment I entered the store, I checked the toy section first. I usually check the toy section first to see if there is any old WWE figures, or Jurassic Park toys, or Batman toys and Hot Wheels cars. Alas Goodwill had neither of those. What they did had that didn't interest me at all were used Barbie dolls for $3 a piece. $3 for a beat up used Barbie is way too much. Even if I were a girl which I am not, I would never buy a used Barbie for $3. I did see plenty of stuffed animals in the toy section. I did eye up a large Stewie plush, however due to time constraints I didn't check the price.
   I then proceeded to check out the book/video selection, and happened to see a plastic storage bin with old 12" vinyl LPs and a bunch of old 7" 45s on the table. I had no interest in the old vinyls. Again I didn't even look through them and check the prices on them mostly due to the fact that there is a record store in town that sells used vinyls for $1 a piece. Then I saw a bunch of old VHS tapes. There again I didn't even bother to check the price because I don't use my VCR much anymore. I skipped over the books.
    Next I went to the T-shirt section to look for old WWE and Nine Inch Nails T-shirts. Sadly there were none. I briefly looked over the jackets and windbreakers, when an Air Products windbreaker caught my eye. I would have liked to have bought it, but I didn't check to see if it was an XL. Finally I proceeded to look at my favorite things, Hats. There wasn't many hats there but two of them in particular interested me. The two hats were probably Pepsi employee hats. One was a green Mountain Dew hat with the 1980s logo, and the other was a gray unstructured Diet Pepsi Max hat. They were $1.99 each and both appeared to be new, especially the Mountain Dew hat because it still had that cardboard crown protector thingy in it. So it came down to choosing a hat and I eventually chose the Mountain Dew hat.
    When I went to the check out, I had to wait a few minutes for the cashier to notice that I was waiting to pay for the hat. The cashier was dusting off clothing racks. When she was ringing up my item, she spent around 10 seconds trying to find the price, I showed her where the tag was on the hat and paid for the hat. On my way out, I noticed a plastic bin full of mint in package McDonald's and Burger King toys. I briefly looked at them, and Walked out saying to myself I remember that toy I used to have it. Sadly I'm 21 and No longer collect Fast food toys.

Goo Gone and Used CDs

  Today I am going to let you on a little secret of mine on how to get rid of that sticky residue from stickers on used CDs. This little wonder is called Goo Gone. Yes I know Goo Gone is a funny name for a product. I sometimes laugh at the name Goo Gone because I find the name hysterical sometimes. Aside from the silly name this is the best product ever.

     I like to buy used CDs. Sometimes when you take the sticker off the jewel case, a sticky residue is left behind. You probably ask yourself, How do I get this sticky mess off my jewel case. Well the simple solution is Goo Gone Spray Gel. Now all you have to do is spritz a little bit of Goo Gone on the jewel case and wipe the case with a paper towel or rag or cloth. It really doesn't matter what you use to wipe with.
   Now Goo Gone is citrus powered and it leaves an orange scent behind. Don't panic because the scent will go away. Also Goo Gone is made by a company called Magic American Products. Make note that I haven't tried Goo Gone on any other residue such as chewing gum, Markers, Crayon, wax, lipstick or oil, or laundry stains. Since I haven't tried Goo Gone on the other things mentioned above I cannot tell you how good they work. I should mention that Goo Gone should be kept out of reach from children even though that is pretty much common sense. You don't want to have to call Mr. Yuk telling him that your kid ingested Goo Gone.
   I highly recommend Goo Gone with a Standing Ovation when It comes to cleaning sticker goo from used CDs. If I had to rate Goo Gone on a scale of 1-10 it would be a 10,000.

What is the Point of Laugh Tracks

  Whenever I am watching a sitcom, I tend to notice that there is unnecessary laughter added. If there is anything that I hate when I watch something on TV it is confusing laughter. Really I noticed that sitcoms such as The Office and 30 Rock do not have laugh tracks and that is a good thing. You see laugh tracks confuse you when you should laugh at something funny. Most of the time laugh tracks play over a very unfunny joke.
    Personally I think that laugh tracks are only there to insult the viewers intellect. It's not the 1950s anymore. It's 2011 and the laugh track should have died years ago. Why are laugh tracks added? Well for one reason I believe they are added is to confuse the viewer when the should laugh at something funny. The second reason is that the laugh track is added to something that is really not funny. If a sitcom did not have a laugh track, it would be funnier to watch than one with a laugh track.
    Laugh tracks are an annoyance to all of us. Why do some modern day sitcoms still use this garbage? Well, in my opinion it's them pesky writers who think if they add laughter to a really stupid joke, the audience will laugh too. As I am writing this post, my mom is watching a sitcom downstairs, with a laugh track. I can assure you that the laughter I heard wasn't hers.
     When I see a classic sitcom with a laugh track, I don't know when I should laugh or not to laugh. I really think that a laugh track is the worst thing ever made by a human. No really it is. I was thinking what if the TV show Mystery Science Theater 3000 had a laugh track. If it did, the show would not be as funny as it is. The added laughter would ruin the riffing that Tom Servo, Crow, and Joel or Mike were doing to the movie. A laugh track would have ruined the show completely.
      I think that any classic sitcom released on DVD should be edited to omit the laugh tracks. Why? Well it will make the show's jokes more audible without the damn laugh track. Also without the laugh track, the show would be more hilarious than it would be with the laugh track. So that is why I hate laugh tracks.

Bruno Mars is Overplayed and I am Sick of Hearing Him Already

   I noticed that radio stations tend to play Bruno Mars all the time. Well I am sick of it. In fact I am sick of it to the point that I want to throw up or shoot my radio. In my opinion and guesstimate I believe he is played on the radio around 95% of the day. You know Bruno Mars really grinds my gears. If I am not mistaken he used to be a songwriter for other artists. He should have never became a singer, he should have stayed a songwriter. The fact that annoys me is that there are thousands upon thousands of other songs that can be played instead of Bruno Mars.
    Whenever a radio station plays The Lazy Song for instance, I switch the station. If the station that I switched to is playing the same song, I push the CD button in the car so I can listen to Born This Way by Lady Gaga. I find it funny that my mother is sick of Lady Gaga and I am sick of Bruno Mars and my mom doesn't care about him. Sometimes my mom says that the radio station plays the same songs over and over again which is true. Why is Bruno Mars overplayed? Maybe its the fact that he is a popular artist. Or is it a government music torture conspiracy to annoy the daylights out of radio listeners. Another thing that I cant stand about Bruno Mars is the music video for The Lazy Song. Not only do I find this music video to be racist because he is dancing with chimps. I don't want to go into extreme detail about it.
       When I wake up in the morning I will turn on the TV to watch Jump Start on VH1 which is a show that shows music videos. Even there I can't get away from him. Especially when they show his music videos. If I feel lazy and don't want to change the channel, I will play MST3K while watching his music video. Playing MST3K or Mystery Science Theater 3000 the long way is when you crack jokes at a movie or TV show or music video to make the pain go away.
        Bruno Mars is a great songwriter that's the only positive thing I can say about him. Other than that, he is annoying to hear every 10 minutes on the radio. He is way too overrated. If you have read my older post about the bands or artists that I hate, you probably noticed that he is at the number one spot on the list. So Here's a tip for radio DJ's out there. Stop Playing Bruno Mars. Play some other artist out there there's like a million of them to choose from.

My Mom Told Me Never Laugh At Babies

  When I was about 4 or 5, my mother was babysitting my little nephew. He was sitting in his highchair and doing something stupidly funny that I don't recall what it was that he was doing that made me laugh. My mother told me not to laugh at what he was doing because it would encourage him to do it again. What was my mother thinking when she said that? So basically she said that when you laugh at what a baby does, the baby will repeat what he was doing. What my mom said made no sense to me whatsoever. I kind of just went along with it without thinking it over. Well now 16 years later, I thought of what my mom said was kind of stupid. I mean if you laugh at what a baby does, wouldn't that make the baby happy also? I think that when you laugh at a baby doing something funny, that makes the baby seem loved and that he did something cute. Come to think of the baby repeating what he did by me laughing at the baby would be a call for an encore. Of course babies have no concept of what an encore is. Just the thought of what my mother had said when I was 5 was really stupid. It still makes no sense today. I think that when a baby does something very funny, you should laugh at the baby's actions.