Epic Beard Man Facts

  I was looking through my Hot Wheels cars today and picked up a Matchbox Los Angeles Metro bus that gave me the inspiration for today's post. Epic Beard Man Facts.

1. Epic Beard Man can slam a revolving door.
2. Epic Beard Man is legal proof of why people shouldn't fuck with Vietnam War vets.
3. Epic Beard Man can gargle peanut butter.
4. Epic Beard Man once let a man live. Naw just kidding.
5. The perfect bedtime story goes like this. Once Upon a time. Epic Beard Man. The End.
6. Epic Beard Man finished The NeverEnding Story
7. Death had a near Epic Beard Man Experience.
8. 10 out of 10 doctors recommend not pissing off Epic Beard Man.
9. Epic Beard Man can strangle you with a cordless phone.
10. Epic Beard Man doesn't act like a patriot. A patriot acts like Epic Beard Man.
11. Epic Beard Man can read Lady Gaga's Poker Face.
12. Epic Beard Man can handle the truth.
13. Epic Beard Man is the only person who can actually give 110%.
14. If Epic Beard Man had a weakness he would be Superman.
15. The film Bad Ass is biopic about Epic Beard Man.
16. Epic Beard Man can make you leak so bad that you'll need to call the Amber Lamps.
17. Epic Beard Man knows it wasn't Gene Snitsky's fault.
18. Epic Beard Man can watch SmackDown live on Friday night.
19. Epic Beard man can kill two stones with one bird.
20. Epic Beard Man can drive on the right side of the road in England and not crash.
21. Epic Beard Man can pump his own gas in New Jersey.
22. When Epic Beard Man goes to the airport, TSA agents grope themselves.
23. Epic Beard Man can play the violin with the piano.
24. Epic Beard Man speak Braille.
25. Epic Beard Man can hear silence.
26. Epic Beard Man uses a Federal Signal Thunderbolt siren as his alarm clock.
27. Epic Beard Man can buy a parental advisory CD at Walmart.
28. Epic Beard Man once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got it.
29. Epic Beard Man once ordered a Whopper at McDonald's and got it.
30. Epic Beard Man doesn't want fries with that.
31. Epic Beard Man is considered a natural cause of death.
32. Epic Beard Man won Iron Chef by simply cooking Ramen noodles.
33. Epic Beard Man won American Idol using Sign Language.
34. Epic Beard Man won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
35. Epic Beard Man eats the core of the apple first.
36. Epic Beard Man once punched a man in the soul.
37. Epic Beard Man can make a paraplegic run for their life.
38. Epic Beard Man's tears can cure cancer. To bad he never cries.
39. Epic Beard Man is the only person who can wear a fanny pack and get away from it.
40. Epic Beard Man can play Betamax tapes on his DVD Player
41. Epic Beard Man can play cassettes on his CD player
42. Epic Beard Man Scared the Black out of Michael Jackson
43. Epic Beard Man beat Billy Mays in a shouting match.
44. Epic Beard Man can sell ice to the Eskimos.
45. Epic Beard Man can play Laserdiscs on his Blu-Ray player.
46. Epic Beard Man was the person who killed Osama Bin Laden
47. Epic Beard Man can beat a brick wall at tennis
48. Epic Beard Man can Pump his own gas in Oregon
49. Epic Beard Man can play Super Nintendo games on his Sega Genesis
50. Epic Beard Man can play PS3 games on his PS1.
51. Epic Beard Man can play GameBoy Advance games on his GameBoy
52. Epic Beard Man caught Missingno on Pokemon Red and didn't damage his game.
53. Epic Beard Man can fire 12 shots from a six shooter.
54. Epic Beard Man can fire a Single Action Army in double action
55. Epic Beard Man can watch 60 minutes in a half an hour
56. Epic Beard Man once defied MC Hammer and Touched this
57. Epic Beard Man doesn't dial 911. He dials 1911.
58. Epic Beard Man trained his dog to clean up after himself because Epic Beard Man doesn't take crap from anyone.
59. Epic Beard Man is the only Person who can try this at home
60. Epic Beard Man is the reason why you can't get a ride to work.
61. Epic Beard Man Ended the Vietnam War 
62. Epic Beard Man got into a knife fight and one.
63. Epic Beard Man can start a fire underwater
64. Epic Beard Man is the only person who can deflect Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick.
65. Epic Beard Man is one of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse but Epic Beard Man doesn't use a horse. Instead he takes the bus.
66. Epic Beard Man can Drink a keg of beer and not die.
67. Epic Beard Man is homeless and needs your help